omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
