Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
