Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
