You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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