capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
