I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
