I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
