I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
