just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize