State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
