Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
