Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
