Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
