I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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