Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
