Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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