I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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