I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
