I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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