you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
