I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
