Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
