I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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