dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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