he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize