the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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