Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
