so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I supernannyed him into submission
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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