Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
