Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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