How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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