She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
