Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
