It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize