He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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