i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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