I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
NoShamevember. You game?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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