I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
