If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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