I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
there is puke in my bra ... again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
