After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
