I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
