Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
