He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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