she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
