it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
