I will die if light touches me.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
