The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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