apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize