Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Randomize
