i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I could fuck to npr.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
