"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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