I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
