At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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