Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize