Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
