After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize