yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
