GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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