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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.

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• (619): View more from California

  Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss

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• (530): View more from California

  On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.

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• (551): View more from New Jersey

  But break dance skills will only take you so far

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  i will live by this rule

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar

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• (518): View more from New York

  I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick

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• (818): View more from California

  He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do

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