dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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