I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
