If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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