My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
