Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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