I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
