yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The air taste purple.
Randomize
