Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
