She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
