Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
