No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
