just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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