I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Vodka?
Forever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
